maandag 14 maart 2011

Armin clothing line surprises customers

People from around the globe are reporting various unexpected side effects from wearing products out of Armin van Buuren’s new clothing and shoes line.

The main concern appears to be connected to the upper torso products like jackets and shirts. Early customers say that that wearing these products make them extend their arms horizontally and getting stuck in that position. Jochim Struss, a 21 year old taxi driver from Hamburg Germany, reported that ever since he started wearing his new Armin jacket he has not been able to get his arms down, which is causing him some serious challenges in performing his job. "I can leave the driver window of my car open to stick my left arm out and I can steer with my knees, so that is not the biggest problem. But passengers in the right front seat are not very comfortable with my right arm being right in front of them. A female passenger even accused me of trying to touch her private parts and got out of my cab before we even drove off! I’m afraid I’m gonna lose some income over this, but I don’t wanna let go of my precious Armin jacket. He’s the number one you know, and I read on the interweb that he said himself that these clothes fit with his way of life and that he can really identify himself with them. So I just have to have them.”

2 Year old Juan del Peseta from Rio del Plaja reports a similar problem with his stylish new Armin polo shirts. “I tend to sweat a lot, so I bought seven polo shirts so I can change them during the day and stay fresh. But I haven’t been able to wear more than one because as soon as I put it on my arms have extended which has basically made it impossible to take it off. As such I don’t mind, you know because it’s Armin’s stuff and he said that he can really identify with it, but after a few days the armpits have gotten really smelly. I really can’t go into my shower anymore because it’s not wide enough so I think I’m just gonna go to the beach and walk into the water with it. I’m sure the girls on the beach are gonna go crazy over me because I wear such a cool Armin product.” When asked if he was going to return the other 6 shirts Juan replied he wasn’t. “I’m just gonna keep wearing this one till it wears out and then have someone cut it off me and start wearing the next one. It’s gonna be a great summer!”

ot only the shirts and jackets seem to be causing unexpected side effects, wearing the Armin shoes reportedly causes the owner to jump up and down uncontrollably at random moments. Sandy Ploofings, a brain surgeon from New Zealand, reports considering a career change. “I absolutely love my Armin shoes. I mean especially since he said that he really can identify with them and stuff. Plus they are really comfortable and supportive, but yeah they do make me jump up and down at them most unexpected moments. First time it happened was when I was in the supermarket waiting in the cashiers line. People thought I was being impatient, but I just couldn’t help myself. The bad thing though is that this also happens randomly when I’m performing surgery and that obviously is not very practical. I guess I’m gonna have to give up my career and do something else, because Armin means everything to me and not being able to wear his shoes would just make me miserable.”

Upcoming DJ Cheese Frankfurt from the Netherlands is one of the few customers who is actually really pleased with the side effects of the new Armin shoes. Frankfurt: “A few years ago I bought a set of Ti
ësto sneakers, because I was convinced they would make me a better DJ and help me progress my international career. But I have still never played outside my home town of Lutjebroek and even there people are not exactly showing up in big numbers for my sets. Now with these Armin shoes I feel I can be just as successful as Armin because they make jumping up and down on stage a lot easier. I finally understand why it never worked out with my Tiësto shoes. They must have been broken from the start.”

A spokesperson of Quick Sports International was rather surprised by all the mayhem their new products seems to be causing. “These clothes were designed in close collaboration with Armin himself. He really wanted them to fit his way of life and be able to identify himself with them. In fact Armin himself was used as a model for the initial design patterns. So I don’t find it very surprising that our designers tried to incorporate some of his trademark moves into the line. As a matter of fact, we are currently planning a line of Armin branded headphones that are made of extremely light fibers, so they are easy on the shoulders while they force you to hold them up in the air constantly.” When asked if people are allowed to return the articles for a refund if they become too annoyed by the side effects he answered: “We will consider that, if they haven’t sweated too much in them.”